THE SEASONS may change, but the ability of certain customers to delight, surprise and ultimately baffle never ceases. Here, then, is the latest round-up of titbits, overheards and gobbets I didn’t know what else to do with.
A SUBSCRIBER WRITES: This book was “just an all around awful read that felt claustrophobic from the first page (and I mean that in an extremely positive way!)” Another satisfied customer.
PASSING TRADE: Two 20-something men strolling past the open shop door one recent evening.
“That’s supposed to be really good,” says the first, pointing to the shop.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah it’s supposed to be really cool.”
“What is it?”
“Err…”
They walk on.
DISPATCHES FROM BACKSTORY’S INBOX #1: “hi, was browsing through norwegian ecom stores and thought Backstory really stands out.” We bet.
I, VICTORIOUS: “I must tell you — I’ll whisper it in your ear — I beat Robert Graves at Scrabble.”
WONDERS WITHIN: “It’s a bookshop, Alan!… A proper bookshop!…I love a bookshop!” Reader, she ordered three glasses of cava.
PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT: Woman approaches the counter with a greetings card. “I was going to get the card that said ‘You’ll Be Great’. But to be honest, I don’t think she will.”
A (YOUNG) SUBSCRIBER WRITES: In answer to the survey question “what do you enjoy doing when you are not at school?”: “Reading and writing stories and staring out of my bedroom window looking for mysteries, although must admit that I haven’t found any.”
THE DIRECT APPROACH: Another of our younger customers tried a different tack recently. After picking out Oi Dinosaurs!, his dad encouraged him to take it to the counter himself. “Go and ask the man if you can have it.”
The boy marched straight up and summoned me in a suitably commanding tone: “Man!”
HAVE YOU MET OUR BOUNCER? “Your 30 minutes is up,” Denise recently informed a woman reading at the bar.
Another customer looked alarmed — as did I, unaware of our new policy.
Apparently Denise had been entrusted with getting her to a Pilates class on time.
DISPATCHES FROM BACKSTORY’S INBOX #2: “Hi store owner, Why do you leave some danger, draining, wrecking, killing errors in your site that is affecting your sales?” I’ve read worse crime novels.
A FULL REVIEW: A woman takes me by the arm to lead me on a tour of books she has recently enjoyed. We pause by The Safekeep. “It was surprisingly erotic. I don’t have a partner at the moment, so I enjoyed that.”
PUTTING THE MORTAR IN MORTAR BOARD: “He’s a Cambridge University history graduate. He needs a smack!”
BRIEF ENCOUNTER: Man tries his luck chatting to a woman who is reading at the bar.
“What’s that — a romance?”
“No. Lots of murders.”
SAME AGAIN: A dad walks into the bookshop with his son. Son goes to browse, while dad makes a beeline for The Pub.
“Aren’t you going to read it first?”
“I don’t need to read it. It’s got the best book title ever. The Pub. I’m sold.”
FRIENDSHIPS FORM AT BACKSTORY’S BAR: One regular is perhaps a little too keen to get their hands on the novel another regular is working on.
“I’m a professional proof-reader.”
“Yes, you proof-read when it’s finished… Get away from the laptop!”
BANK OF MUM AND DAD: A teenager, contemplating a couple of new titles, turns to her younger sister: “I’m just going to call Daddy and tell him to add some money.”
FOR FORK’S SAKE: Cutlery crisis for Backstory’s booksellers. We started the year with dozens of forks — roughly the same number, as you might expect, as our knives and spoons. By spring they had all vanished. “Try eating salad leaves without a fork,” wailed Savannah. By the time Sally reported she had eaten spaghetti with a spoon, I gave in and bought four shiny new forks. And now we’re down to just one. What is going on? A big decision awaits: to invest again, or pray they’ll turn up. We have reached, in the words of wag of the week George, a fork in the road.
ANOTHER DAY OF CHILDCARE: Man carrying baby, another child in tow, comes to the counter to buy… Nuclear War: A Scenario
DISPENSING WISDOM: Dapper-looking chap strides up to the counter. “Hi there you should have a prescription… subscription for me.”
DISPATCHES FROM BACKSTORY’S INBOX #3: “Pls who is in charge here?” We’ve all been wondering.
My book of the month
The Two Roberts by Damian Barr
Based on the true story of two overlooked artists, this gorgeous historical novel follows 'the two Roberts' — Colquhoun and MacBryde — who meet on their first day at Glasgow School of Art in 1933. Working class and gay, the outsiders become flatmates and then lovers. As their stars burn brighter in the shadow of war, things begin to spin out of control.
Order a personalised book
All of these lovely authors are coming to Backstory in the next few months to sign their books, and they are happy to inscribe each copy with your name, or a friend’s. They make great presents!
Here’s the full list of books you can have signed and dedicated. Just order on our website, adding the name for the inscription:
Jonn Elledge, The Compendium of Not Quite Everything (order by this Tuesday!)
Lyse Doucet, The Finest Hotel in Kabul (order by 23rd September)
Lea Ypi, Indignity (order by 28th September)
Andrew O’Hagan, On Friendship (order by 29th September)
Skye McAlpine, The Christmas Companion (order by 8th October)
Julia Shaw, Green Crime (order by 14th October)
Ruby Tandoh, All Consuming (order by 27th October)
Tom Gilbey, Thirsty: 100 Great Wines and Stories (order by 2nd November)
John Crace, The Bonfire of The Insanities (order by 5th November)
Want more Backstory?
Come to one of our author events in the shop almost every week
Request a book to pick up in the shop (we can usually get a book for the next day)
If you’re further afield, order a book from our website
Happy reading,
Tom
PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT: Woman approaches the counter with a greetings card. “I was going to get the card that said ‘You’ll Be Great’. But to be honest, I don’t think she will.”
Ha! Love your "overheard" posts-- great stuff!! 👍👏😊
This is just such a delight to read. All places need a Backstory.